Na(HIV)PoWriMo ± April 26, 2019

Mel Waldman
The Secret Life of J
A Developmental Perspective

STAGE I

PHILOSOPHER KING

J
is the philosopher king

the
flow of the river in glittering opalescence

a
private spirit revealing the way

lover
of beauty & the grandeur of the universe

phantom
visionary & mathematician/logician

aware
of sin

the
death & obliteration of the true self

STAGE II

FIRST CONFESSION

J
is the keeper of a secret self & a hidden life

that
is the way it is

in
his time

his
era

chance
& destiny merged & we were neighbors

became
friends

decades
ago was it in the 80s?

faraway
yesterday & now

in
the flow of my phantom brainwaves

Time
a kaleidoscope of illusions

a
grand magic show

is
the otherworldly flow of phantasmagoria

&
in this eerie container of Being & Becoming

within
the whirling Dome of Life & Death

he
revealed,

“I am gay.”

He trusted me.

Trust
dissolves boundaries/separations & creates oneness/connection

STAGE III

SECOND CONFESSION

The
past is now

&
time returns

inside
my swirling mind again & again

in
a circle of infinity

like
Ouroboros

the
snake that eats its own tail

J
confesses/reveals

“I am HIV positive.”

His
familiar voice

calm
& accepting

conceals
the silent shriek &

transverberation
of my mournful soul

I
wear the black hole of grief

STAGE IV

HEALING

Imagination
a magical door/boulevard to the multiverse

a
cornucopia of universes
may
heal

medical
treatment & psychotherapeutic visualizations are his way

&
in his Mind’s Eye

he
does not obliterate/kill the disease

J
envisions a world of transcendence & peace

&
sees harmony/beauty in a circle of love/divinity

STAGE V

AIDS

IT
progresses

&
J moves away

lives
alone in his new house/fortress retreating into inner space

STAGE VI

VANISHING

Occasionally
he visits the old neighborhood

until
he stops

&
we vanish from each other’s life

an
invisible barrier/boundary separates/cuts the sacred connection

STAGE VII

CONFESSIONS/REVELATIONS

Confessions
of the wounded soul

&
waves & particles of revelation

are
a potent blending

the
flow of empathy

&
the efflorescence of the self

I
reflect & recall & taste the pain that hovers in my brain

&
crave the holy healing of acceptance & peace

I
shall not forget

my
friend nor the insidious disease & I wait for a selcouth catharsis

I
am a shattering absence

a
panorama of loss & grief

scattered
across the vastness of the lost landscape

&
a vanishing mustang

galloping
into the deep of the ravine & the ruins of the chasm & the blackness of nowhere

&
soon the chimerical snow falls incessantly

covers
the lost landscape & swallows all

&
the snow is a holy veil that holds & caresses & transforms the swirl of pain & suffering

in
a beautiful alchemy & metamorphosis & divine transcendence & now I am free

transcendentally
free

Poems by Mel Waldman have appeared in Ascent Aspirations, Brickplight, Clockwise Cat, Eskimo Pie, Indiana Voice Journal, The Jewish Literary Journal, Liquid Imagination, Mad Swirl, A New Ulster, Oddball Magazine, Poetry Pacific, Red Fez, Skive Magazine, Two Drops Of Ink, and Yellow Mama, as well as in Namaste Fiji: The International Anthology Of Poetry (The Blue Fog Journal, 2007). He has also published short stories in a number of fiction journals. Holding a doctorate in psychology, Waldman is a practicing psychologist in New York City.

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Here is today’s prompt

(optional as always)

Today’s poem is explores a man’s journey with HIV/AIDS from the perspective of an HIV-negative friend, as well as the impact the friend’s HIV/AIDS had on the speaker. Write a poem exploring a close friendship between an HIV-negative person and an HIV-positive person.