Deborah Hauser,
Why She Didn’t Report It
For Christine Blasey Ford, et al.
Because it was her fatherunclehusbandbrothertboyfriendcoachboss
Because it happened in her own home
Because they already knew and pretended not to
Because she was scared
Because she needed him
Because she thought no one else would ever love her
Because maybe it wouldn’t happen again
Because he was sorry
Because he was drinking
Because she was drinking
Because she was wearing –
Because she was nobody
Because she needed the job
Because she was 5 years old
Because she wasn’t a virgin
Because fraternities
Because she couldn’t afford the cost to process her own rape kit
Because there was no visible wound
Because she knows how this goes
Because she didn’t want to stand trial
Because she has learned to become invisible instead
Because she did no one listened
Because he cut out her tongue
Because he threatened to kill her
Because he was a doctorteacherjudgepriestfineupstandingcitizen
Because he overpowered her
Because he drugged her
Because she doesn’t want to relive it
Because she doesn’t owe you an explanation
Because she wants to move on
Because she thinks she’s okay now
Because she still has those dreams
Because when she opens her mouth to scream no sound comes out
Because shame and rage hold her together
Because I might disintegrate
Deborah Hauser is the author of Ennui: From the Diagnostic and Statistical Field Guide of Feminine Disorders (Finishing Line Press). Her work has appeared in Bellevue Literary Review, TAB: The Journal of Poetry & Poetics, and Carve Magazine. Her book reviews have been published at The Kenyon Review, Mom Egg Review, and Tinderbox Poetry Journal. She has taught at Stony Brook University and Suffolk County Community College. She leads a double life on Long Island where she works in the insurance industry.
SUBMIT to What Rough Beast via our SUBMITTABLE site.