Anna Leah
Fuck Serenity
“Fuck your serenity,” you said.
Well, fuck you, too
It’s hard-won
against hard-on wielding men
who grasp as you pass
and gasp as you ask for yourself
and reach out to grab to snag you from jaywalking
Against connections of self
and objections to all else
you wish to choose to say
Against a world that pushed in hopes
you won’t notice
and hands palming you everywhere
Serenity is smiling over screaming,
meanwhile, ulcers teem
It’s exhaustion after exhilaration after confusion
reveals itself to be mean
It’s forgetting your ego,
because it’s been beaten away
from your expectations of anything
It’s releasing all ideas of accomplishment
letting yourself be selfish
and giving up on yourself
Serenity is in these moments between panic
and all that’s left
It’s touching the river like a lover
and forgetting why you left those others behind
Fuck this serenity, perhaps
but it was far from automatic
It comes from years of servicing
then, forgetting
to decide to have any consciousness at all
Anna Leah’s poetry has appeared in Panel Magazine (published in Budapest). Her broadcast and print journalism have appeared on PBS, AJ+, and Brut and in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, The New York Post, Brokelyn, and other publications. She holds a BA from Hampshire College in Amherst, Mass. Also a filmmaker, Leah lives in Brooklyn. She posts poetry to Instagram, @ByAnnaLeah.
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