Sanjana Nair
The Long Haul
Could be
sorrow’s not the problem
could be
it’s the stitched knot
of sailor to woodworker
to designer to engineer
to a surgeon’s hands
that shake me clean
of any dreaming
and this know
won’t loose
even if it could
clear, in what it is named
clear, as the siren that signals
a war is on
and that war is named
despair
and I am a hole in it
and he wants to drag
you/I/we
down into the deep
deep down under
there’s enough sun
and no son
of anyone
is enough to save
everyone
from human habit—
lets despair
have his day
daily
a dose of confusion
mixed with medical shame
and let’s face it
nature isn’t in this
for the long haul
at least not
with me
so she keeps
my uterus
a piece of muscle
that kept
my right arm up
and the babies
that didn’t stay
and the bulbs
are all
I really want
to put into the ground
these days
if only the ground
would thaw
and stay that way
sifted
and aired
and full
of what’s ripe
for the giving
and when this
21st century despair
finally sorts
the knot of itself into
a category
that names its shame
when time finally reveals
her barren womb
awaiting the taking
says
here, I am done pretending
will
you/I/we
finally rise
like bubbles
aiming for the sun
out of human despair
our shoulder blades
turned wing
without melt
our hearts
finally level
and clear
of
the lines
separating us
the light
ready
to welcome us
home
Sanjana Nair’s poems have appeared or are forthcoming in Spoon River Poetry Review, Fence Magazine, JuxtaProse Literary Magazine, and The Equalizer. In a prior lifetime, she was part of a performative series in NYC named Emofru and The Lady Apple. Her collaboration between poet and composer was performed at Tribeca’s Flea Theater as well as featured on NPR’s Soundcheck. Nair lives in Brooklyn with her husband and daughter, and is a professor at John Jay College of Criminal Justice (CUNY).
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